As it turns out there are perks to being a cane. I do’t have to do any of the bothersome human activities such as showering or paying bills. I’m not blamed when things gett lost, chewed on by Spanky, (The human’s cat from hell) and I’m never ever called upon to help clean the bathroom toilet. Some would argue that I or many other cane could be a plunger. I am here to tell you we are not! I’ve met the plunger of this house. And what a vile, ill mannered, creepy she is! Every word out of her mouth is vulgar. It must have something to do with her occupation. Besides canes die that way. Only a few months ago I was told of my dear friend Al dining a humiliating water logged death when his dunce of a human tried to use him to plunge the toilet. Poor Al snapped in half! While this is the most common way for canes to die, he also had to die covered in human crap and soaking wet. Now if that isn’t an undignified death, I don’t know what is.
At any rate, there are many perks to being a cane. The piano and I have agreed this morning that the best part of being a cane is that of being the ver present watcher of the house’s front door. I get to see all who come in and out. I’m the first to notice the outfits they wear, how they treat my human and if they have a pet with them that I might need to avoid. Today was a day unlike any other. Today I got a glimpse of someone called Plumber! This man was a god of sorts. He was over six feet. I would know. I’m sixty nine inches tall. He’s over six feet, has dark hair and a very nice voice. He’s very friendly to the humans and on time to the appointment. He had the oddest looking sacks over his shoes.
The humans are annoyed that they had to call :lumber, but they too can appreciate his pleasing figure. Kelly, despite being blind, can find people attractive. Some say that blind people only judge based on personality due to the fact they can’t see. I’m here to say this is not true. While personality is the most important feature to my human, she can appreciate the physical as well. She can find people attractive based on smell, voice and some visual cues. She can also tell body type by hugging someone. As she has no excuse to hug Plumber, I’ll have to show her this post so she can get a good idea. So why is Mr. Handsome here? The drain in the tub clogged and started spewing sewer water. It turns out the whole pipe has to be replaced. While this is not good news, it’s always best to find the silver lining. Pain and I most certainly have.
I am very sorry to have not written for so long. Life got a little cray around here so I was busy. Easter is coming up which means I had to run around with the human to shop for the family. At any rate, I’m back!
I thought I would start this post off by giving some eduction. I won’t be giving any tips on math, or science. Let’s face it how often does a cane have to do math? Instead I will be giving my brand of knowledge about guide dogs. I wanted to post this after a long walk with my human’s da’s pet dog. The number of people that asked if Jack the dog was a guide dog was astounding.
I am here to say Jack is not now nor will he ever be a guide dog. He is a lab poodle mix that has no training in any way to be a guide dog. He has way too much energy and selective hearing where other dogs are concerned. Even if he was a well mannered must, he didn’t have a harness. Even if he did, humans do not use canes and dogs at the same time. I was being used at the time which would mean Jack would not be working.
People also often assume the dog or cane knows where to go. The dogs are not that smart. They are smart for dogs, but they are by no means smart enough to go to Walmart if the human says so. We cane3s are also not in charge of knowing where to go. I have no GPS, and so could not tell Kelly where to go. She tells me and would tell a dog if she had one. In short, dogs and canes are not GPSs. We are simply tools for the blind person to use.
I’m going to hand over the keys to Kelly here in a second so she can tell you all about the trip. I was there, but I wasn’t actually THERE for the dive. I’ll give you what I saw on the trip, but the real details come from her.
Last summer Kelly decide to go skydiving with a group of friends. One of the guys in the group had been going to the drop zone for awhile and wanted to take them along. I was not going to be on the dive with Kelly, but got a great view of the drop zone, instructors, and equipment. Kelly lounged in a lawn chair for most of the day chatting with the instructors. I got a good earful regarding drops, plane types, and how incredibly hot the day was. At four o’clock it was finally Kelly’s turn to go. In order to tell the rest of the story more accurately, I’ll now turn it over to her.
Hello all! As Annie already said, I waited a long while for my turn to to go. To my surprise there wasn’t much skepticism regarding my blindness and skydiving. I went random as it was my first dive, and after doing it I’ve decided that is the only way to do it. My instructor was a full head shorter than me and smelled great. Seriously. I want to know what he was wearing and give it to any and all males I find remotely attractive. His boss nicknamed him Rudy because he was so enthusiastic to learn how to skydive.
The plane was small, fitting only Rudy and myself. I was given a helmet which I’m sure would do nothing if the parachute actually broke. Rudy sat behind me wrapping his legs around my waist. He harnessed us together and told me when it was time, the door of the plane would open and I would be the first to jump out. I was very taken aback. No one had said that I had to be the first one out! I think they did that on purpose so I would get in to the plane. The door opened which was the scariest part. I didn’t have to think much about the actual jump because when the signal was given Rudy shoved me out of the door. The free fall was very short and exhilarating.
Once the parachute opened we were yanked straight up. Rudy was fine. I however, got my left breast squashed flatter than the original pancake. Needless to say, it was a painful yank. After that, it couldn’t have been more peaceful. I can’t really say much about the view because it was al a blurry mess of green and brown until about ten feet off the ground. I wanted to float in silence and enjoy the ride but Rudy kept talking. He wanted to try and set me up with a guy at the drop zone. While this was nice, it ruined the peaceful fall. When we finally landed I couldn’t help but feel exhilarated. I had jumped out of a plane and lived! Now back to Annie.
That’s it for this one folks! This is yet again, another post to show that blind people can do anything. Again feel free to comment.
I love youth programs. Kelly works at programs for blind youth during the summers and throughout the year. The students usually learn all sorts of things and it’s always nice to see them grow. Talking with the other canes is always interesting We canes are taken to all sorts of places we usually don’t get to go. My favorite was when we went white water rafting. We were put on the bottom of the boat, but the views were amazing. We also went rock climbing, to the capital, and sailing.
That being said, there are things about these programs that irritate me. I have to get my tip replaced much more often than I do at home. I am often switched with the canes when we get clustered together in a van. The worst thing however is when a student doesn’t use his/her cane. We were out on our usual morning commute to the place where Kelly was working. Kelly had been telling a student to use his cane for ten minutes straight. He had some vision and insisted he didn’t need it. Poor Jimmy was feeling very unwanted. He was being dragged alongside of the student instead of being tapped in front of him as is proper. His grumbling was interrupted when the student smashed his face directly in to a pole. Due to the fact the student is a minor, neither Kelly nor I can post the video of it. Kelly, Jimmy and myself laughed for the next twenty minutes. The student began to use Jimmy properly after he stopped to let Kelly put an ice pack on his face. He had one hell of a bruise for the next few days. I know it’s not polite to laugh at people, especially students, but I had to laugh. Please feel free to comment.
This is one “holiday” I do not understand. I’m always festive as my handle is green. Kelly doesn’t really do much for this day. Her dad’s side is Irish, but as they never have done anything, she doesn’t either. So, for now we are hanging in the house. She’s watching TV and I’m in the corner chatting with the piano.
Tonight we are off to a tattoo parlor. Kelly’s friend wants one and she’s decided to go with her to keep her company. I’ve never been in one before so this should be interesting. More on that soon.
As any story should, this one will start with a beginning. It isn’t anything to special. I met my human as all other canes do. I was given to her by another human. My name is Inanimate Object, but you can call me Annie. My human’s name is Kelly. She is a student, and blind. I’ll tell you more about her and myself as more of these posts occur.
In order for this story to work, I should probably describe myself. I am a long white cane, with a green handle. I have a tip of metal on the bottom. This particular feature is replaceable, like a shoe.
I am 69 inches tall, which is slightly taller than my human. My main job is to be with human and help her navigate the world. She is the brain of the group. she knows where she’s going. I’m there to let her know where stairs, curbs and poles are. I am also there as an identifier to let others know she can’t see them. I love my job and human, but there are days that are more eventful than others. That is what this blog will be about. I hope you are educated, entertained and willing to feedback.